Earth Obstetrics Training Doesn't Cover Alien Egg Babies Author: liviiCharacters:
in the Marthathon, using request #3
: Martha tries to kill the Doctor with a big rock
. Thanks to redscharlach
for the best line in the whole (tiny) thing, and to nostalgia_lj
for looking it over.
"What did you do that for?" the Doctor whined, rubbing his head.
"You said, and I quote, 'Martha Jones, if you see any more aliens, stop them however you can', end quote."
"I didn't mean me
"But you just said you were an alien," Martha replied.
"I'm the good
sort of alien," the Doctor protested. "Big green bugs taking over the hospital – bad aliens. Handsome men in pinstripes – good alien." He made helpful hand gestures to illustrate his point.
Martha rolled her eyes.
"That really hurt, you know," the Doctor continued. "And it's not like it would have worked anyway."
"Why not?" Martha asked. "Should I have used a heavier rock? You do seem to be alright, so I suppose I should have."
The Doctor carefully moved out of rock-hitting range. "I'd just regenerate. I have three lives left, and maybe I'd even be ginger the next time, though that just makes my head hurt again, for some reason."
"I have three more rocks," Martha said, helpfully.
"Not at all necessary, Miss Jones," he said loudly, from quite a distance away.
Martha shrugged. "Okay, if I promise not to try to kill you again, will you tell me what's going on?"
The Doctor hurried back to her side. "Considering we're presently surrounded by the Wirrn, and they can infect us quite easily, I think we should be on our way instead."
"Works for me," Martha said. "Pretty explanatory, actually."
"Huh," the Doctor said. "Usually I just explain things later. Must have done me a funny turn, when you hit me with that rock. Do you play cricket?"
," Martha urged, pulling the Doctor away at the last moment before one of the aliens could lay its eggs inside his body. "I'm not qualified yet, and even if I were, I wouldn't help you have alien egg babies."
The Doctor ran along behind her, spluttering. "I'm the male of the species!" he said, indignantly. "I don't have alien egg babies!"
Martha looked at him over her shoulder, speculatively. "You said you were an alien, yeah? So you'll have to prove that you don't to me later."
"This seems like a dysfunctional relationship," the Doctor said. "I think I like it."
"If it'll keep the spark alive, I can hit you with more rocks from time to time," Martha replied, grinning.
"Down, girl," the Doctor said. "We'll discuss the terms later."
And that's what they did.